BELOVED MASTER,
WOULD YOU PLEASE TALK ABOUT WOMEN'S LIBERATION IN THE CONTEXT OF YOUR VISION OF A COMMUNE?
They are not two things. Women's liberation will also be men's liberation. It may sound strange, but if you go into the sources it will be very easy to understand.
One fundamental thing: you cannot make anybody a slave unless you are ready to become enslaved by your slave. Slavery is always two-sided.
Sometimes it happens that the master is a bigger slave than the slave. The master becomes dependent on the slave for everything. And the second thing: when you make somebody a slave, you are creating trouble for yourself, because the person will always hate you. He may show love, he may show reverence, but that is superficial. Deep inside he is boiling with hate and fire.
Man has made woman a slave, but you can see what I am saying to you, the truth of it. Have you seen any husband who is not henpecked? Strange...
In a small school a teacher was asking students puzzles. And he asked, "Have you seen somebody who when he goes out of the house is one thing and when he comes back to the house he is something else?"
One child immediately started waving his hand frantically. The teacher said, "What is the matter? Do you know?"
He said, "Everybody knows it, but is not courageous enough to say. I can say it. It is my father. When he goes out of the house he looks like a lion, and when he comes back into the house he looks like a rat. And all these boys know it, but they are afraid to say it. I do not bother, because my father and mother are so constantly in a fight that they don't have any time for me. I am completely free to do anything, to go anywhere."
What has made the woman bitchy? It is not a natural quality. What has made the woman continuously nag the husband? It is not natural.
It is a revenge, the feminine way of revenge. You have reduced her into a slave. You have taken away all her freedom, you have made her just a possession.
My sister was being married and I told my father, "If the word kanyadan, donation of the daughter, is being used, I will never come back to this family again. Then you can think I am dead."
He said, "But this is strange. That word has been used for centuries."
I said, "I don't care about the centuries, I care about the meaning of the word. You can donate things, you can donate money -- you cannot donate people! And I will not allow it, even if the marriage party goes back. Let them go to hell!"
He said, "I was worried that you might create some trouble, but I had not thought about this kind of trouble. The marriage party is coming -- you can hear the band, and the people are coming closer -- and you ask me not to use the word `kanyadan'...! But what about the brahmin priest who will say, `Where is the father? He has to come and do kanyadan.'"
I said, "I have made arrangements with the priest before I talked to you."
The priest used to live just behind my house. There used to be a big neem tree in the middle -- and it was a very narrow street -- and I had spread the gossip around the town that the tree was full of ghosts. And the brahmin was very much afraid, because he had to pass through that street. He was the only person who lived behind our house, the only person who had to go through that street. And he used to ask me, "Is it true?"
I said, "Do you want to experience? I have some acquaintance with those people because I live in the house..."
And one day I managed to give him some experience....
He used to almost run in the street. From the main street he would start running saying, "Hare Krishna, Hare Rama, Hare Krishna, Hare Rama..." just to avoid the ghosts which were there. And he had just begun with, "Hare Krishna, Hare Rama..." when I gave him the experience.
I had just done a simple thing. As he was coming from his work in the town -- some worship, some marriage or whatever -- it must have been ten o'clock in the night, it was a dark night... I had a drum with me and a big blanket. As he came under the tree, I threw the blanket over him so he could not see what was happening, and I just banged the drum and threw the drum also over him. He got so confused at what was happening, he ran away, back down the street. And by chance, the drum fell over his head. I had not thought that it would go that way -- that his head was completely covered by the drum, and underneath the drum was the blanket covering his whole body. So by the time he reached the road, people started running, thinking that the ghost had come onto the road!
He had to shout and struggle, "I am the brahmin who lives behind! I am not the ghost! It is the work of the ghost that I am in such a situation." But there was no other way. So he was always very polite and respectful of me after the experience. Whatever I said he always said, "Yes, I will do it."
I told him, "My sister is going to be married. You are not to use the word `kanyadan', because no person can be donated. It is not a gift -- a human being given as a donation? If you use `kanyadan', then remember, from this day you will never be able to reach your home... EVERY day those ghosts will trouble you."
He said, "I will do everything, but please no more blankets, no more drums."
So I told my father, "He is willing."
From the very beginning we try to create the woman to be a slave in life. Naturally, she goes on gathering anger, and in her husband's house millions of women -- because almost half of humanity are women... Half of humanity is simply wasting its life in kitchens, routine work, looking after children -- terrible jobs, and the whole day waiting for the husband to say something soothing, something beautiful.
But the husband has his own problems: his boss in the office; his files gathering on the table; everybody is after him to "finish it." He is working hard, but he comes home with a lot of files. And the moment the woman sees him coming with all the files, that means the office is coming home. She bursts forth, she explodes... her life is simply ruined. The whole day cooking, taking care of the children. And in the end she was thinking that the husband would be back and they would have a few moments of loving communication, and he is coming with the whole office. Naturally, she gets mad and she throws those files. And while he is eating she goes on nagging him for this, for that... she does not allow him to eat well.
One man saw on a restaurant a sign saying, "Come at least one time and you will find everything just like your home."
He came in and sat at a table. A waitress came by and she asked, "What would you like?"
He said, "First bring me a cup of cold tea."
And she said, "Cold tea? If you like I will bring it."
"Then bring my food -- burned chapati, vegetables so hot with so much spice that tears come out of my eyes... that is the proof. And thirdly, sit in front of me and nag me!"
The woman said, "But this is a restaurant."
He said, "Look at your sign! Only then will I feel at home."
This is the "home" where everybody is living. And you call this life?
The man is harassed in the office, the woman is harassed the whole day by children and neighbors -- and then the husband comes.... Both are not in a normal state; they start quarreling about everything, arguing about everything, and soon dishes are being thrown. The woman is hitting him with the pillows; he is shouting and trying to keep her cool because what will the neighbors say? Children may wake up.... But how long can one keep cool?
Man's liberation is possible only if the woman is liberated. The woman should be educated, should have financial independence, should be an earning member of the family, should not be dependent on the husband. The woman should have as free movement in society as man has. The woman should have time to be creative, to play music, to paint, to read, to write. And you will be surprised -- all her nagging will disappear, all her bitchiness will go, because that is the energy that has become creative now.
You cannot condemn the woman, because if you want to have an experience, then just take her job for twenty-four hours. First cook the food -- then you will know! At least I know that I cannot even make a cup of tea. It is a miracle for me how a chapati is made.
Then taking care of the children, who are the real devils -- either you will kill them or you will kill yourself. Just twenty-four hours! And children have their own ways: the whole day they sleep, and in the night they make every effort to wake everybody.
Sometimes they say they want to go to the bathroom, and somehow you drag them to the bathroom. And just a few minutes afterwards they are waking you up again -- they need water... They have been sleeping the whole day and now they are awake. And you want to force them to sleep; sleep is not something that you can enforce.
And if the child goes on waking you up again and again, you are going to hold him by the neck and tell him, "For the last time: either you or me -- decide! We both cannot exist in the same bed!"
It is very natural that the woman has become nagging and bitchy and fighting. And you can see she doesn't mean it. When she throws the pillow at you, you can see it -- it never hits you. It is not that she cannot hit you, she does not want to hit you. It is simply anger somehow being expressed. She never throws heavy things at you that you may go blind or your nose may fall off or your head may get broken... she never does. Even if a pillow hits you, it is not much of a hit.
And if you watch carefully, she always throws those plates which are worthless -- she wanted to get rid of them! Either they were broken or chipped or something. They are not the real ones; they were useless plates. She is careful; she knows -- because whom is she going to hurt?
But the anger is there and it needs some expression. Unless you give it a creative dimension... and the only possible way is that man and woman should both be liberated from each other.
The liberation movement should not be only women's liberation, it should be men's and women's liberation -- together, because they both are in slavery. It is interdependent. One cannot become free; they both can become free or they both will remain slaves. The women's liberation movement has not understood it yet and it needs a whole psychological change of atmosphere.
Marriage should be dissolved. People should not live according to the law, they should live only according to love. The only problem has always been children. And my solution is that every small village should become a commune. Bigger villages should become two or three communes, big cities should divide into dozens of communes, and the children are the responsibility of the commune.
Every member of the commune should donate to the commune for the health of the children, for the education of the children, for the care of the children. The children can come to the home -- the father and mother can meet the children -- but the children basically live in commune hostels and do not belong to private parties, to families. Then there is no problem. If two persons find that their love has disappeared, then there is no need to remain together: it is ugly, disgusting.
The moment you see that the love has disappeared, you have to say goodbye to each other with gratefulness, with friendliness, with thankfulness for all those moments that you lived together. You will always relish those beautiful moments. But what can you do? -- it is beyond you. Love comes like a season and goes like a season. As long as it remains, good; it is immensely beautiful. But when it has gone, then to go on hanging onto something dead is going to make you also dead.
It was because of children that the old societies decided that you should remain together -- because you have to take care of the children; otherwise what will happen to the children?
A simple solution is that every commune of one thousand people, two thousand people -- that means two thousand couples, four thousand people -- gives the whole responsibility for the children to the commune. And the commune can take care of the children more responsibly, more carefully. More educated nurses can be put to take care; doctors can be there to take care; teachers can be there to teach. And children will not be spoiled the way they are spoiled now.
They will have a wider vision than our children have. Our children have a very small vision because they are attached to a family. Five persons, seven persons -- that is their whole world.
It happened....
By the side of my house there was a temple, and between the temple and my house there was some land which technically my father could win a case in the court and take. But actually, the land belonged to the temple. It was a legal and technical matter.
I told my father, "If you go against the temple -- I have nothing to do with the temple, but if you go against the temple then I am going to be a witness against you, because you are taking advantage of a technical mistake. The land does not belong to you and you know it. And not only am I going to be against you, I have convinced your father, my grandfather. He is going with me because they may not take any note of me. I am so small" -- I must have been ten years old -- "they may not take any note of me, so I have convinced my grandfather. He is going with me. So two generations on each side against you. You have to decide."
He said, "You have talked with my father?"
I said, "Certainly. Because it is a simple matter. The land does not belong to us. Just in the papers of the temple, technically it is not written that it belongs to them. But don't take advantage of a technical mistake."
He said, "But I have never heard of anybody's son being a witness against his own father."
I said, "My loyalty is not to the family. My loyalty is towards truth. If you are on the side of truth I will be with you, but in this case I cannot be with you."
Children living in a family are bound to become loyal to the family. Then they don't care whether they are fair, just, or not, they just fight. People go on fighting for generations.
One of the families in front of my house was the enemy of my family for generations. I was the first to enter into their house....
The man was shocked. He said, "Where are you going?"
I said, "I am coming to your family with a message of friendship. I don't know who the people were who fought. I don't know even the names of the people who fought. I know my grandfather and I know my grandfather's name, his father's name. Beyond that I have no knowledge. And this has been going on for ten generations. How many generations do you remember? Can you tell me all the names? Can you tell me who began all this nonsense? And we have not been on talking terms. I have come with friendship. I am inviting myself for dinner today in your house."
He said, "This is strange, but perhaps you are right. You are welcome, but have you asked your father?"
I said, "I don't need to. Whatever I want to do, I do it and then I inform him. Then he can express his opinion. It does not make any difference, I have done what I wanted to do. I know he will ask, `Why did you not ask me?' But that is my problem, you don't be worried."
And they were very happy. The children were very happy, because it was such a strange thing. They were just living in front, and we saw each other, but we could not talk to their children; they could not talk to us. We were going to the same school, but we were not talking to each other, we were enemies. And you don't have any idea why. The children were happy; it was a celebration.
My father came home and he was informed that I had gone inside that house and I had not come out for almost two hours. He said, "This is unbelievable. For ten generations we have not talked to each other. Now he has gone beyond the boundaries, let him come."
When I came back home he was really angry and he said, "Why did you not ask me?"
I said, "It is simple, because I wanted to do it. And now you are free to express your opinion. I knew that you would say no, so what is the point of asking? And I have not done anything wrong. I have made a beautiful friendship, I have opened the door for you too. I have invited the man and his children for dinner tomorrow in this house."
He said, "What?"
I said, "Yes. I have eaten there -- I invited myself into their house. Now, in return what do you want? I should at least be this much courteous."
He said, "My God, then I have to go out of this house tomorrow."
I said, "You have not to go anywhere. You have to be here and you have to receive them, because this is foolish -- ten generations ago, and who knows who was right and who was wrong? Those idiots are dead. Why should we go on clinging to the dead, just because we belong to their family?"
The family creates a very small commitment to a very small number of people. A commune frees you from commitment. And psychologists say that if children can be freed from the family then ninety percent of mental diseases will be simply finished. You will be surprised to know that these two things are related.
Ninety percent of psychological diseases will disappear if children are no longer part of the family, because it is the family that creates all kinds of trouble. It makes the children Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan, Buddhist; it makes the children communist, socialist; it gives the children all kinds of beliefs which divide people. And most basically, every boy carries an image of the mother in his heart, and every girl carries the image of the father. And for her whole life the girl will look to the husband for her image of her father to be fulfilled -- which is not possible. And the boy will look to his wife for his image of his mother to be fulfilled.
His mother is the most perfect woman he has known. His wife should be as perfect. Now the wife has not come there to be your mother, nor are you there to be her father. But these ideas can be destroyed only if children are living together -- not in the family, but under the supervision of the whole commune. They will not have any image and then they won't be expecting their wife to be this way, their husband to behave this way... and thousands of conflicts will disappear.
The future of the family is gone. The commune has the future, and only the commune can make you so free that marriage becomes non-essential. Two persons decide to live together -- they live together. They decide to separate -- they separate.
The law does not come into it; the government has nothing to do with it, nor has society anything to do with it. It is two persons' personal affair! And they are contributing to the commune for the care of their children. Even those who don't have children -- they are also contributing to the commune, because all the children are their children. A feeling of vastness... every child is loved by the whole commune.... Every person of the age of his father becomes his uncle; every woman of the age of his mother becomes his aunt. We are giving him a bigger, richer experience. And with this richer experience he will be a man of multidimensional capacities.
Man's liberation is absolutely necessary just as is woman's liberation. And they both should be together to figure out how they can be free. There is no need to fight, because anything that comes out of fighting has some ugliness in it.
The liberation should come out of understanding. All intelligent men and women should get together, and try to understand the problems all over the world and how they can be solved. And I don't see that there are many problems. There are very few problems -- which can easily be solved.
- The Sword and the Lotus, Chapter #22
WOULD YOU PLEASE TALK ABOUT WOMEN'S LIBERATION IN THE CONTEXT OF YOUR VISION OF A COMMUNE?
They are not two things. Women's liberation will also be men's liberation. It may sound strange, but if you go into the sources it will be very easy to understand.
One fundamental thing: you cannot make anybody a slave unless you are ready to become enslaved by your slave. Slavery is always two-sided.
Sometimes it happens that the master is a bigger slave than the slave. The master becomes dependent on the slave for everything. And the second thing: when you make somebody a slave, you are creating trouble for yourself, because the person will always hate you. He may show love, he may show reverence, but that is superficial. Deep inside he is boiling with hate and fire.
Man has made woman a slave, but you can see what I am saying to you, the truth of it. Have you seen any husband who is not henpecked? Strange...
In a small school a teacher was asking students puzzles. And he asked, "Have you seen somebody who when he goes out of the house is one thing and when he comes back to the house he is something else?"
One child immediately started waving his hand frantically. The teacher said, "What is the matter? Do you know?"
He said, "Everybody knows it, but is not courageous enough to say. I can say it. It is my father. When he goes out of the house he looks like a lion, and when he comes back into the house he looks like a rat. And all these boys know it, but they are afraid to say it. I do not bother, because my father and mother are so constantly in a fight that they don't have any time for me. I am completely free to do anything, to go anywhere."
What has made the woman bitchy? It is not a natural quality. What has made the woman continuously nag the husband? It is not natural.
It is a revenge, the feminine way of revenge. You have reduced her into a slave. You have taken away all her freedom, you have made her just a possession.
My sister was being married and I told my father, "If the word kanyadan, donation of the daughter, is being used, I will never come back to this family again. Then you can think I am dead."
He said, "But this is strange. That word has been used for centuries."
I said, "I don't care about the centuries, I care about the meaning of the word. You can donate things, you can donate money -- you cannot donate people! And I will not allow it, even if the marriage party goes back. Let them go to hell!"
He said, "I was worried that you might create some trouble, but I had not thought about this kind of trouble. The marriage party is coming -- you can hear the band, and the people are coming closer -- and you ask me not to use the word `kanyadan'...! But what about the brahmin priest who will say, `Where is the father? He has to come and do kanyadan.'"
I said, "I have made arrangements with the priest before I talked to you."
The priest used to live just behind my house. There used to be a big neem tree in the middle -- and it was a very narrow street -- and I had spread the gossip around the town that the tree was full of ghosts. And the brahmin was very much afraid, because he had to pass through that street. He was the only person who lived behind our house, the only person who had to go through that street. And he used to ask me, "Is it true?"
I said, "Do you want to experience? I have some acquaintance with those people because I live in the house..."
And one day I managed to give him some experience....
He used to almost run in the street. From the main street he would start running saying, "Hare Krishna, Hare Rama, Hare Krishna, Hare Rama..." just to avoid the ghosts which were there. And he had just begun with, "Hare Krishna, Hare Rama..." when I gave him the experience.
I had just done a simple thing. As he was coming from his work in the town -- some worship, some marriage or whatever -- it must have been ten o'clock in the night, it was a dark night... I had a drum with me and a big blanket. As he came under the tree, I threw the blanket over him so he could not see what was happening, and I just banged the drum and threw the drum also over him. He got so confused at what was happening, he ran away, back down the street. And by chance, the drum fell over his head. I had not thought that it would go that way -- that his head was completely covered by the drum, and underneath the drum was the blanket covering his whole body. So by the time he reached the road, people started running, thinking that the ghost had come onto the road!
He had to shout and struggle, "I am the brahmin who lives behind! I am not the ghost! It is the work of the ghost that I am in such a situation." But there was no other way. So he was always very polite and respectful of me after the experience. Whatever I said he always said, "Yes, I will do it."
I told him, "My sister is going to be married. You are not to use the word `kanyadan', because no person can be donated. It is not a gift -- a human being given as a donation? If you use `kanyadan', then remember, from this day you will never be able to reach your home... EVERY day those ghosts will trouble you."
He said, "I will do everything, but please no more blankets, no more drums."
So I told my father, "He is willing."
From the very beginning we try to create the woman to be a slave in life. Naturally, she goes on gathering anger, and in her husband's house millions of women -- because almost half of humanity are women... Half of humanity is simply wasting its life in kitchens, routine work, looking after children -- terrible jobs, and the whole day waiting for the husband to say something soothing, something beautiful.
But the husband has his own problems: his boss in the office; his files gathering on the table; everybody is after him to "finish it." He is working hard, but he comes home with a lot of files. And the moment the woman sees him coming with all the files, that means the office is coming home. She bursts forth, she explodes... her life is simply ruined. The whole day cooking, taking care of the children. And in the end she was thinking that the husband would be back and they would have a few moments of loving communication, and he is coming with the whole office. Naturally, she gets mad and she throws those files. And while he is eating she goes on nagging him for this, for that... she does not allow him to eat well.
One man saw on a restaurant a sign saying, "Come at least one time and you will find everything just like your home."
He came in and sat at a table. A waitress came by and she asked, "What would you like?"
He said, "First bring me a cup of cold tea."
And she said, "Cold tea? If you like I will bring it."
"Then bring my food -- burned chapati, vegetables so hot with so much spice that tears come out of my eyes... that is the proof. And thirdly, sit in front of me and nag me!"
The woman said, "But this is a restaurant."
He said, "Look at your sign! Only then will I feel at home."
This is the "home" where everybody is living. And you call this life?
The man is harassed in the office, the woman is harassed the whole day by children and neighbors -- and then the husband comes.... Both are not in a normal state; they start quarreling about everything, arguing about everything, and soon dishes are being thrown. The woman is hitting him with the pillows; he is shouting and trying to keep her cool because what will the neighbors say? Children may wake up.... But how long can one keep cool?
Man's liberation is possible only if the woman is liberated. The woman should be educated, should have financial independence, should be an earning member of the family, should not be dependent on the husband. The woman should have as free movement in society as man has. The woman should have time to be creative, to play music, to paint, to read, to write. And you will be surprised -- all her nagging will disappear, all her bitchiness will go, because that is the energy that has become creative now.
You cannot condemn the woman, because if you want to have an experience, then just take her job for twenty-four hours. First cook the food -- then you will know! At least I know that I cannot even make a cup of tea. It is a miracle for me how a chapati is made.
Then taking care of the children, who are the real devils -- either you will kill them or you will kill yourself. Just twenty-four hours! And children have their own ways: the whole day they sleep, and in the night they make every effort to wake everybody.
Sometimes they say they want to go to the bathroom, and somehow you drag them to the bathroom. And just a few minutes afterwards they are waking you up again -- they need water... They have been sleeping the whole day and now they are awake. And you want to force them to sleep; sleep is not something that you can enforce.
And if the child goes on waking you up again and again, you are going to hold him by the neck and tell him, "For the last time: either you or me -- decide! We both cannot exist in the same bed!"
It is very natural that the woman has become nagging and bitchy and fighting. And you can see she doesn't mean it. When she throws the pillow at you, you can see it -- it never hits you. It is not that she cannot hit you, she does not want to hit you. It is simply anger somehow being expressed. She never throws heavy things at you that you may go blind or your nose may fall off or your head may get broken... she never does. Even if a pillow hits you, it is not much of a hit.
And if you watch carefully, she always throws those plates which are worthless -- she wanted to get rid of them! Either they were broken or chipped or something. They are not the real ones; they were useless plates. She is careful; she knows -- because whom is she going to hurt?
But the anger is there and it needs some expression. Unless you give it a creative dimension... and the only possible way is that man and woman should both be liberated from each other.
The liberation movement should not be only women's liberation, it should be men's and women's liberation -- together, because they both are in slavery. It is interdependent. One cannot become free; they both can become free or they both will remain slaves. The women's liberation movement has not understood it yet and it needs a whole psychological change of atmosphere.
Marriage should be dissolved. People should not live according to the law, they should live only according to love. The only problem has always been children. And my solution is that every small village should become a commune. Bigger villages should become two or three communes, big cities should divide into dozens of communes, and the children are the responsibility of the commune.
Every member of the commune should donate to the commune for the health of the children, for the education of the children, for the care of the children. The children can come to the home -- the father and mother can meet the children -- but the children basically live in commune hostels and do not belong to private parties, to families. Then there is no problem. If two persons find that their love has disappeared, then there is no need to remain together: it is ugly, disgusting.
The moment you see that the love has disappeared, you have to say goodbye to each other with gratefulness, with friendliness, with thankfulness for all those moments that you lived together. You will always relish those beautiful moments. But what can you do? -- it is beyond you. Love comes like a season and goes like a season. As long as it remains, good; it is immensely beautiful. But when it has gone, then to go on hanging onto something dead is going to make you also dead.
It was because of children that the old societies decided that you should remain together -- because you have to take care of the children; otherwise what will happen to the children?
A simple solution is that every commune of one thousand people, two thousand people -- that means two thousand couples, four thousand people -- gives the whole responsibility for the children to the commune. And the commune can take care of the children more responsibly, more carefully. More educated nurses can be put to take care; doctors can be there to take care; teachers can be there to teach. And children will not be spoiled the way they are spoiled now.
They will have a wider vision than our children have. Our children have a very small vision because they are attached to a family. Five persons, seven persons -- that is their whole world.
It happened....
By the side of my house there was a temple, and between the temple and my house there was some land which technically my father could win a case in the court and take. But actually, the land belonged to the temple. It was a legal and technical matter.
I told my father, "If you go against the temple -- I have nothing to do with the temple, but if you go against the temple then I am going to be a witness against you, because you are taking advantage of a technical mistake. The land does not belong to you and you know it. And not only am I going to be against you, I have convinced your father, my grandfather. He is going with me because they may not take any note of me. I am so small" -- I must have been ten years old -- "they may not take any note of me, so I have convinced my grandfather. He is going with me. So two generations on each side against you. You have to decide."
He said, "You have talked with my father?"
I said, "Certainly. Because it is a simple matter. The land does not belong to us. Just in the papers of the temple, technically it is not written that it belongs to them. But don't take advantage of a technical mistake."
He said, "But I have never heard of anybody's son being a witness against his own father."
I said, "My loyalty is not to the family. My loyalty is towards truth. If you are on the side of truth I will be with you, but in this case I cannot be with you."
Children living in a family are bound to become loyal to the family. Then they don't care whether they are fair, just, or not, they just fight. People go on fighting for generations.
One of the families in front of my house was the enemy of my family for generations. I was the first to enter into their house....
The man was shocked. He said, "Where are you going?"
I said, "I am coming to your family with a message of friendship. I don't know who the people were who fought. I don't know even the names of the people who fought. I know my grandfather and I know my grandfather's name, his father's name. Beyond that I have no knowledge. And this has been going on for ten generations. How many generations do you remember? Can you tell me all the names? Can you tell me who began all this nonsense? And we have not been on talking terms. I have come with friendship. I am inviting myself for dinner today in your house."
He said, "This is strange, but perhaps you are right. You are welcome, but have you asked your father?"
I said, "I don't need to. Whatever I want to do, I do it and then I inform him. Then he can express his opinion. It does not make any difference, I have done what I wanted to do. I know he will ask, `Why did you not ask me?' But that is my problem, you don't be worried."
And they were very happy. The children were very happy, because it was such a strange thing. They were just living in front, and we saw each other, but we could not talk to their children; they could not talk to us. We were going to the same school, but we were not talking to each other, we were enemies. And you don't have any idea why. The children were happy; it was a celebration.
My father came home and he was informed that I had gone inside that house and I had not come out for almost two hours. He said, "This is unbelievable. For ten generations we have not talked to each other. Now he has gone beyond the boundaries, let him come."
When I came back home he was really angry and he said, "Why did you not ask me?"
I said, "It is simple, because I wanted to do it. And now you are free to express your opinion. I knew that you would say no, so what is the point of asking? And I have not done anything wrong. I have made a beautiful friendship, I have opened the door for you too. I have invited the man and his children for dinner tomorrow in this house."
He said, "What?"
I said, "Yes. I have eaten there -- I invited myself into their house. Now, in return what do you want? I should at least be this much courteous."
He said, "My God, then I have to go out of this house tomorrow."
I said, "You have not to go anywhere. You have to be here and you have to receive them, because this is foolish -- ten generations ago, and who knows who was right and who was wrong? Those idiots are dead. Why should we go on clinging to the dead, just because we belong to their family?"
The family creates a very small commitment to a very small number of people. A commune frees you from commitment. And psychologists say that if children can be freed from the family then ninety percent of mental diseases will be simply finished. You will be surprised to know that these two things are related.
Ninety percent of psychological diseases will disappear if children are no longer part of the family, because it is the family that creates all kinds of trouble. It makes the children Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan, Buddhist; it makes the children communist, socialist; it gives the children all kinds of beliefs which divide people. And most basically, every boy carries an image of the mother in his heart, and every girl carries the image of the father. And for her whole life the girl will look to the husband for her image of her father to be fulfilled -- which is not possible. And the boy will look to his wife for his image of his mother to be fulfilled.
His mother is the most perfect woman he has known. His wife should be as perfect. Now the wife has not come there to be your mother, nor are you there to be her father. But these ideas can be destroyed only if children are living together -- not in the family, but under the supervision of the whole commune. They will not have any image and then they won't be expecting their wife to be this way, their husband to behave this way... and thousands of conflicts will disappear.
The future of the family is gone. The commune has the future, and only the commune can make you so free that marriage becomes non-essential. Two persons decide to live together -- they live together. They decide to separate -- they separate.
The law does not come into it; the government has nothing to do with it, nor has society anything to do with it. It is two persons' personal affair! And they are contributing to the commune for the care of their children. Even those who don't have children -- they are also contributing to the commune, because all the children are their children. A feeling of vastness... every child is loved by the whole commune.... Every person of the age of his father becomes his uncle; every woman of the age of his mother becomes his aunt. We are giving him a bigger, richer experience. And with this richer experience he will be a man of multidimensional capacities.
Man's liberation is absolutely necessary just as is woman's liberation. And they both should be together to figure out how they can be free. There is no need to fight, because anything that comes out of fighting has some ugliness in it.
The liberation should come out of understanding. All intelligent men and women should get together, and try to understand the problems all over the world and how they can be solved. And I don't see that there are many problems. There are very few problems -- which can easily be solved.
- The Sword and the Lotus, Chapter #22
